November 2012
3 posts
A striking marriage
This is my last post as a blogger - I’m moving on to web comics and it was fun. All things must come to an end and since I haven’t been posting regularly, I don’t see the point of continuing. The Chekhovian pauses were too pregnant. It’s been a struggle to find time blogging. Anyways, this last post is a profound one and I hope you’ll enjoy it.
TIL (today I learned)...
Cheat on your wife/girlfriend today
Listen here, boys. As a 4-star general in the US Army and former head of the CIA, I know a thing or two about killing people. I’ve dropped my fair share of JDAMs on villages and had squads of men fight from dusk till dawn. Never surrender.
And the same holds true for marriage. Here’s the SitRep. Your wife or girlfriend are tired and boring. They’ll never blow you the way they...
Asimov 0, Me 1
I find flaws in Isaac Asimov’s 3 laws of robots. His three tenants revolve around robots not harming human beings - they can’t harm a human being, they can’t be ordered to harm a human being or be indirectly responsible for harming a human being lest they commit suicide (self-destruct).
Now, I realize it’s anachronistic to suppose Asimov would know one iota of how...
October 2012
14 posts
Midwest false positives
A lot of Midwest positive-negative speak - where they put positives together with negatives. For example: mom told me she was “feeling awfully well till she got good and sick;” a few minutes later she told me to turn the coffee maker on off; I tried explaining this to my mother-in-law who lives in Ohio (also the heart of the Midwest) and she tried to console me with a piece of homemade...
1 tag
America's Impending Economic Tsunami
Every America should be demanding that their constituents watch Hal Mason’s YouTube video on America’s impending economic apocalypse. With a burgeoning load of 32 times Greece’s debt, the American government has one strategy… to continue borrowing ad infinitum. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why they’re rushing to commit economic suicide, other than to placate the...
2 tags
Must-have iPhone games
These are all coming soon and listed in no particular order:
Punch Quest: from Rocketcat Games.
He-Man: Masters of the Universe
Team Monster from Korean-based developer Dancing Anchovy. Looks a lot like Mika Mobile’s RPG Battleheart.
Zombiewood. A dual-stick shooter from Gameloft. Wowzers! This looks like a great game. Can’t wait to drain my batteries on this sucker. Get...
The Muhammed Paradox
I was just wondering, one teeny tiny little quandary: if Muhammed never had a portrait done, how do we know what he looks like? Going by that logic, when someone claims to draw a caricature of him or a picture of him, how is anyone offended since we don’t know what he looks like?
On a side note, it’s interesting that Jesus looks more like Owen Wilson - iconographically - rather than a...
“Put your hand on a hot stove for two seconds and it seems like two hours. Sit...”
– Albert Einstein
King Solomon, 2012
Seems to me like American elections are always split by 4-6 percent of the population. America is clearly a divided nation and always has been. Nothing’s changed since the Civil War. It’s still this North and South mentality. Democrats hate Republicans and the feeling’s mutual visa versa.
You’re never going to change people’s political opinions. Each political side...
She could murder me anytime!
Link
September 2012
20 posts
The problem with not thinking forward
Ever watch King of Queens? You know, the one with the fatty Kevin James? Anyways, it was a great show until the cast’s ego blew up and demanded more than the studio could offer.
That’s not even the problem with the show - the problem is with how it was filmed. They shot it in HD, but knew that it’d be shown in SD format (standard definition, 640x800 pixels resolution). When I...
Wait - before you throw out that computer!
Unless your computer is over 5 years old, most of the time you can upgrade the RAM and hard drive for under $300. You can create what’s called a ‘data doubler’ in your laptop and rip out the optical drive. In a desktop, you simply stick in the SSD drive in one of the hard drive bays.
SSDs have come way down in price - along with RAM. You’ll not need more than 8-16 GB...
3 tags
Wanna live longer? Cut off your balls, son.
Oh god no! I’d rather die young than whack off my nuts. What am I talking about here?
Turns out (that’s my new catchphrase), “castrated men living in Korea centuries ago outlived other men by a significant margin.” The findings were published in Current Biology, suggesting that “male sex hormones are responsible for shortening the lives of men.”
The evidence...
A few tidbits
Solved her problem:
Saw a young beggar today who cried out: “homeless, starving and pregnant. Please help me.” I have her a coat hanger. Now she only has two things to worry about.
Words of wisdom:
“Never half-ass two things, full-ass one thing.”
Why iOS needs to meld with OS:
It’s too challenging for lazy thumb-sucking web designers to constantly test for...
“If you make a sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweatie and wipe the seatie!”
– Saw this today in a bathroom.
2 tags
There's gotta be a better system for doors
Aren’t we always confused at having to negotiate doors - i.e. whether to push or pull? We need to rethink how doors function - it’s a major, major issue.
Here’s a classic example: it’s flu season and do you really want to touch that handle? Do you vacillate between “knuckling it” (as Dan Benjamin and Merlin Mann say) or do you use your elbow or wrap your shirt...
2 tags
Using Dropbox
Ever since Apple shitcanned MobileMe, I switched over to Dropbox without hesitation. MobileMe sucked anyways: it was kludgey, slow, and overall rustic. But it did do its job when I was in a pinch. Uploads would frequently break (I’m okay with slow uploads, that’s up to my internet provider, not Apple’s fault) to the point where you’d have to babysit your computer.
Dropbox...
The angry Chinese
The Chinese are angry. Maybe if they didn’t abort so many girls they wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated. It’s one big sausage fest of festering male fortitude and anger - lots and lots of anger.
This week they’re protesting against Japan. Just imagine when these plebes turn their gaze on the government (shudders).
Photoessay...
The secret to staying thinner: Read the labels
So, what’s the secret to staying thin? According to an international team of scientists it’s all about reading the labels on the food products. Women who read food labels were found to weigh 4 kg less than those who didn’t.
There was found to be a “greater effect on urban white women” who read labels and were more cognizant of what they were eating. People who...
Sleep on it
Photo-essay of Muslim protestors across the world in response to 65-year-old schlockmeister Alan Roberts’ film, Innocence of Muslims.
http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2012/09/muslim-protests-spread-around-the-globe/100369/
You guys do know that this kind of reaction means more types of these films and caricatures will be made, don’t you?
I recall when Titanic magazine depicted...
6 tags
They've still got it
The Japanese never cease to amaze me. Whether it’s tentacle porn or Harajuku girls - the country’s got it all. I was on eBay last night looking for a new mouse pad. Simply typed in “Anime mouse pad” and I got this:
You can also get mouse pads with silicon breasts for resting your wrists too.
Japan’s the only country with urinal arcade games where you try to win by...
Sex Addicts
Today I got an education from an expert in sex addiction. She’s a friend and a psychologist. We discuss everything from serial killers to OCD.
Sex addicts. Who knew how weird they are? They’re obsessively compulsive when it comes to masturbation and sex with anything that walks on two legs.
Some sex addicts beat their dick till its raw. They masturbate ad nauseam until they can...
Elevators were invented for the rich
You’d like to think elevators were invented just out of common sense - to relieve our legs from extra work. No, no, no. You see, in the late 1800s they were invented to relieve the rich from wearing out their legs - not the rest of us schmucks.
Turns out, before the hand-cranked elevators and steam-powered elevators (“S-T-E-A-M POWER!”) the wealthy plutocrats lived on the ground...
Wait your turn
I’m sick and tired of old folks and baby-carriage-pushing bullies who demand to be first while getting on the bus. Why? They’re going to sit in the front anyways. They take forever to get on too. Instead of clogging up traffic while the rest of us good samaritans have to stand frustrated in line - just wait your turn, go in last and plunk your asses and elbows up front where you belong. Rant done....
7 tags
The soda pop belly-welly-welly
There are millions of people with beer bellies who don’t drink beer. So, what’s up? It’s soda or pop that’s giving people these enormous, distended stomachs - and I’ve always known that there’s nothing healthy about these drinks.
I read a study two years ago explaining how Splenda kills healthy gut microbes. This can lead to obesity, anxiety and depression since all three are influenced by the...
August 2012
12 posts
Evicting the Starbucks' Squatters
I’ve got a solution for getting rid of the Karl van Hœt types from Starbucks. You know who they are - they’re either incredibly fat or emasculately skinny and they just nest at a table, like they’re staking a claim. They’ve got their computer and iPhone plugged into the wall and they sip away at one coffee for the whole day. They’re poodling around on Facebook and blogging about the pubic mites...
A Rough Ride
A few years back I heard about how it’s not that natural disasters are getting any worse on this planet. Far be it from that. It’s just that humans have expanded further and further into the fringes of this planet. Thus, the catastrophes appear to be worse each year because of the massive destruction - but it’s all manmade destruction we’re talking about here.
...
3 Stages to a Relationship
Humans are like any other animal. Predictable. We all believe that we’re unique when in fact we’re deterministic robots whose operating system is based on repetitive tasks.
When it comes to relationships there are three guaranteed stages. Most relationships never get past stage 2.
1. Lust and physical attraction
2. Vying for control
3. True love and acceptance of the other...
What a plane crash really feels like →
This is unprecedented footage of a small airplane crash from inside the cockpit from two different views. Miraculously, everyone survived. The pilot will make a full recovery and the rest of us escaped with superficial injuries and feel very lucky to be alive . This trip was much anticipated and due to our excitement we had our Gopro cameras filming at various times. After flying up into the...
7 tags
The revenge of the handicap
3 tags
The secret to success
I’ll keep this brief, as the most complex things in the universe always have the simplest solutions. This idea comes from Occam’s razor (also written Ockham’s razor) - the law of parsimony, economy or succinctness. It’s a principle urging one to select from among competing hypotheses that which makes the fewest assumptions.
That was the basis for Machiavelli’s rise to power and it was also former...
5 tags
Oral sex: Not just breakfast for champions...it's...
Well, it’s peer-reviewed. So, don’t stone the messenger!
Pregnant women have been using herbal remedies for eons without avail in a cure-all attempt to rid themselves of morning sickness. Well, how to break it you…it’s all in a good blowjob. See, according to Gordon Gallup (oh god a man, a man - look it’s a study spearheaded by a f*cking man! I know, feminists...
3 tags
8 Apple Headphones Tips
1. Activate Siri
iPhone 4S users can interact with their intelligent personal assistant without ever having to touch their phone. Press and hold the Center Button to engage Siri.
2. Snap a Picture
Take a picture from within the Camera app by pressing the Volume Up (+) button. Unfortunately, this feature only works with Apple’s Camera app, not third-party apps like Camera+, Facebook Camera, or...
6 tags
Macauly Caulkin doesn't have much longer
Former child actor, and now oxycodone/heroin addict Macauly Caulkin, doesn’t have much longer to live. I talked with a psychologist yesterday at length about Mac’s drug addiction and what would the possible causes could have been. Well, my psychologist knows from experience that heroin or oxycodone addicts tend to come from either abused backgrounds or they’re depressed or...
July 2012
14 posts
5 tags
